Happy Jew Year!

Are you ready?

It is already 2016?  What happened my honkies?  Well, the new 2016 Bad Cat calendar is out and ready to be bought! Have you not bought one yet? It sits on the shelf at your local Wal*Mart waiting for your shekels!

So, last month, we celebrated our fifteenth year on the web. Yes, the FIRST feline humor site is finally going through the puberty. Take that Cheezburgerz–appropriators of other’s content! How did we celebrate? Well, we moved to Arizona to retire and play golf for the rest of the known universe. A very interesting sport, golf. As my coach says, “Jim, there is nothing better than sitting amidst the beauty of Mother Nature, admiring all that she has given us, the trees, the birds, the water… and then completely fuck it all up by playing golf.” I second his motion. And have found that patience is not only a virtue, it is imperative to the game as is a nice bottle of the brown juice. I also found that searching for your ball amidst a small grove of cacti can necessitate more of the brown juice. Fucking Arizona! But what skies!

So, I have a batch of 200+ new kitties to present, but in the interest of waiting a fucking full year to post another batch, I am going to split them up into small groups of perhaps 10 or so to post each week. You see below some of the initial offering of 43, with the rest to follow in the next few months. Dig ’em the most, honkies!

Do you have your drink on? Good… now watch some Ween! Great fucking show!

Well, the Seahawks did not get past the devils from Carolina in the playoffs, but neither did the Cardinals of Arizone. Yes, Arizone… which is apparently how you say it here after a few tequilas. John McCain country, folks, verily. So The Bigger of two Mannings is going for it. I wish him luck. It is good to see him back in the big game after the destruction he felt two years ago.

More to come, oh brothers and sisters of evolution. For now…

That is all.


23 more bastardos!

At last… the bastardos!

Now it may be said, yes it may, that bastardos is a bad bad word.  But here at MCHY, we think of it as a term of endearment.  While it is true that not all cats are bastardos, certainly many, many of them are.  Especially those born in the wild… feral we may call them.  The world of the cat is a tough one at certain times; birthday parties, family get-togethers, Hanukkah.  But there is especially one day of the year that takes the wind out of a proud cat’s sails.  It is the day that Athena Baxivanos called “the most confusing day in Baltimore,” and that would be Father’s Day.

While Athena Baxivanos’ view is one coming strictly from her racist worldview, ours comes from the jump-pump-dump worldview of most Toms in the wild.  I guess you could put orangutans in there as well, they seem quite the randy specie!

To that end, or the end of all ends, and so forth, we have immortalized another couple dozen for your bewildering and besmirching pleasure.  As usual, there are six chosen from this lot for instant perusal, and clicking on any of them will link to the entirety of MCHY Gallery Eleven!

Enjoy, hortos!

Finally an update!

Yes, an update!

I know that I have not updated the site since last July.  Wow, what a fucker I am!  Well, life gets in the way, so it is said.  I have a pile of new cats to upload very soon.  I meant to get around to that in January, but it did not happen.  I think wine and whiskey got in the way.  Wait.. YES, it DID!  My bad.

In other news, I am still working on the cat sci-fi compilation book.  I wish that I can get it published when it is done.  Honestly, I have never seen a book of this kind ever printed, so I am hopeful that the niche of said genre will be interesting to someone.


The new mascot of MCHY is now three and half years old and she is definitely the queen of the MCHY headquarters.  She is loving her new pad in Issaquah, WA, and spends her time looking out the window at errant crows and Stellar’s Jays wanting to make them her best friend… which means of course, to slay them and leave their young orphans!  See for yourself what she thinks!

The Evil Super Bowl

So, the Super Bowl has come and gone and the champs of last year, the Seattle Seahawks, found a way to blow the game when they were to make history.  This bothered us at MCHY for a few days but we see the future wide open, as the song goes.  We cannot bear to post pictures of the defeat, however, Jim is going to the Super Bowl next year in the stadium known as Levis Stadium in the city of Santa Clara.  He believes that the Seahawks will make it back to the big game and win it all, so he has already set up his funds to get to the game and all that is associated with such an endeavor.  Go Hawks!

The Evil Athena Baxivanos

Funny enough, four years later, fans are still asking me about my adventures with Athena Baxivanos.  They apparently cannot believe that the stories I tell at the taverns and houses of ill repute.  Lest they go to Baltimore and encounter the beast themselves!  I have already told of the drama at any restaurant we went to, Athena Baxivanos and I, where I would be accused of wanting to fuck any and every woman in the joint because I said hi or, heaven forbid, the server at our table was a woman and I might want another drink and therefore was interested in getting the server into bed because she was a female.  Odd, thought I, that I could have designs on every female in the damned city, but that is how Athena Baxivanos saw it in her terribly insecure mind.  If we let that be, I can go in my mind to our time in Gulf Breeze, Florida.  Athena Baxivanos had become enamored with her gym trainer by the name of Ben Graff.  He was a penis-less prick who sought shelter in the world of physical enlargement of all muscles.  And he had a hard-on the size of a Gumby doll for Athena Baxivanos.  In the end, this did not serve him well, for she saw him as a bit of a clown, enamored with himself and nothing other.  So, in the evenings, Athena Baxivanos would take off for her two-hour training session with Ben Graff.  But in some twisted part of her mind she figured that she would get so turned on by their time together that she would want to come him to me for a bit of the old in-out.  And she would make this clear to me in no uncertain terms.  “Jim,” she would say, “when I get home from the gym let us get frisky in the bed!”

I certainly would entertain this prospect as she was the controller of the sex between us and when I could get it, I was more than interested.

So one night she said, before she left to spend two hours with dick-less, that when she got home we would have a good time in bed.  As was usual for me at the time, I sat on the balcony and drank the wine and smoked and thought about worlds other than my own until she got home.

Then she arrived from the gym and grabbed a glass of wine and joined me on the balcony overlooking the Santa Rosa Sound.  I asked how her workout was and how was dick-less and within the minute she accused me of being a sex addict and pressuring her into fucking.  Now, it must be said that I mentioned nothing to her about intercourse, but only inquired into her evening’s adventures.  Yet she set about her usual berating of me for all things possible and said that all I wanted from her was sex.

But Athena!  You were the one who set up the evening thusly!  I shut my trap and let her drink her wine which only fueled her mania.  After about an hour of listening to Athena Baxivanos tell me all that was wrong with me and my past and my entire life she surprised me with the question, “Can you even get an erection?”

Now it must be said that this was a particular query to the moment and not to a usual situation.  She knew on all accounts that I could get an erection, but this was a power play to say to me: okay I want to fuck, but I am not going to do it on YOUR terms, but on MINE.  So, by again berating my ability to be up to the challenge, she becomes the winner in the game if I am able to satisfy her.

I replied in the positive.  “Of course I can.”

“Be in the bedroom in five minutes,” says her.  And she left the balcony.

I smoked again and drank the wine and went to the bedroom.  And there she was, Athena Baxivanos, still dressed except for her workout shorts pulled down to her ankles and herself bent over the bed offering it to me.  So I got behind her and gave her what I had.  She was not into the moment, but into the control of the moment and constantly directed the experience like Shakespeare of old.  Finally she, Athena Baxivanos, declared that I must orgasm now and be done because I had been drinking too much.  And I did, yes, and yes perhaps I had.  And she was left to clean herself up as I had already moved to the bed itself and lay on my back and was contemplating the future.


That is all.



More new cats.

New cats have arrived!

Yes, it is true!  After much work on the 2016 Bad Cat calendar, I have a plethora of new cats to share with the legion of MCHY followers… that is, if a legion is comprised of a dozen or so crazy cat ladies and one crazy cat guy.  Click on the pics below to get to the latest additions to Gallery 11.

MyCatHatesYoudotcom update

So, it is no secret that the MCHY HQ is now in Issaquah, WA.  We are enjoying the good life with the bear and the deer and the rabbit.  The environment definitely makes a peaceful place to work on an evil cat website.  Maleficent is digging it the most.  She believes she is the Queen Lioness Huntress of Issaquah.  Alas, she is not allowed outside, so she gets to hunt errant flies that sneak into the HQ.  Whatever works, says I.  She needs to have good self esteem.  Here is a recent pic of her after her yearly trip to the vet and the inevitable anal thermometer insertion.  She still hates me for that.  But what else is new?


2016 Bad Cat calendar update

Thank you everyone for the submissions to the 2016 Bad Cat calendar.  We have finished it and it is being edited currently.  When I get the final cut some time later this year, I will know whose kitties made the cut.  Those folks will get a free copy of it (postage paid by MCHY) when they get into my hot hands next September (2015).  Yes it takes that long for some reason.

Random shit

As most of you know, five years ago, on June 23 2009-my 40th birthday-I bailed out of Seattle and drove to Baltimore to try a new start on life.  Exactly two years later (do the math), I discovered how wrong a human can be with their choices and left Baltimore to live in the upstate New York area in an RV before eventually leaving the east coast back to Seattle.  Now three years later (yes, I turned 45 last month), I am happy again and successful in my private and professional life.  But let’s not talk about me.

More importantly, 45 years ago the first human being stepped a foot on another world.  Yeah, it was the moon, but still, another world.  Thank you to Neil (RIP) and Buzz and Mike for being brave and smart and meticulous to prove that the whole is greater than the parts.  So, happy Neil Day to everyone.  I weep.

Football season is nigh!  I am almost finished with my hangover from the Super Bowl, just in time to start on another one for the next six months.  There will be updates here and there on the success of the current World Champion Seattle Seahawks.  The best my friends!

If anyone is still coming around to visit this site, I wish you all the best of health and wealth and hating cats!

That is all.


Hell hath frozen over…

Hello all!  Yes, it has been two months since I blabbed about nothing here.  Please do not lose hope.  There are always more cats on the horizon.  But now, let us talk about what has been going on in MCHY world.

Happy Birthday to us!

December 17, 2013, MCHY celebrated our 13th birthday.  We were the first cat humor website on the Internet. (you can check that, foo!)  At least with respect to captioned images and goofy stories.  I am sure some Geocities user probably had some site with pictures of their cats shitting on their shoes, but graphic feline humor has been our #1 raison d’être since day one.  We predate funnycatpix.com by six years, funnycatsite.com by seven, and the unscrupulous lolcats.com by five-point-five years.  Even stuffonmycat.com came along some five years later than us.  Do we take pride in the fact we are the original and first cat humor website on the Internet?  You fucking know it!  We were selling hoodies and mousepads and shit before those mother-scratchers had their peach fuzz whiskers!  We don’t update as much as we used to, but we are still here, plugging away.  So, welcome back if you have not been here for awhile and if this is your first time here, we have ~5000 cats to peruse and steal and post on Facebook and Google Plus (if that is even still around).

Why hath hell frozen over?

In case you live on Antarctica (which is still no excuse) or are one of those too-good-for-everyone-else sport-eschewers that likes to post to Facebook JUST how much you do NOT think about football (which you obviously do), the Seahawks of Seattle have six weeks ago claimed the top prize in the game of American Football.  It is called the Lombardi Trophy and its ownership is achieved by earning more points than your rival in a game called the Super Bowl.  This is what it looks like, ese!

Maybe you have heard of it, spoken about in hushed tones around your office water cooler.  Maybe you believe, as you should, that it contains mysteries of the universe, emanates occult powers, can summon beings from other dimensions, is a vessel of the lord Jehovah his very self.  As MCHY itself is headquartered in Seattle, and our fondness of the Seahawks is no secret, we were extremely pleased when the game was over and our team was victorious with the score of 43 – 8 over the previously glorified Denver Broncos.

Peyton Manning’s team was a force to be reckoned with during the regular season, amassing more points than any team in NFL single-season history.  They set records left and right, Manning himself throwing more TD passes than any other QB in history, at the age of 37.  A formidable feat, to be sure!  They were the favorites to win the contest, and almost every pundit in the sport agreed they would demolish the Seahawks with their clever offensive scheme and the pure prowess of The Greater of the two Mannings.  This turned out to be folly and sadly wistful speculation.

The Seattle defense, known as the Legion of Boom, was in force that day in East Rutherford, NJ, and held the team NFL Channel was calling “The Team of Destiny” to only 8 points, due to a late-game Denver touchdown and a 2-pt conversion.  These points were to be the only points from Denver that day, and according to our coach, The Illustrious Lord Carroll, were some garbage points we let them score because a shutout would be considered poor sportsmanship.  The following images are from the Great Defeat.  Enjoy them.

Malcolm Smith (the game’s MVP) returning an interception from Lord Manning for a touchdown.

Percy Harvin (the secret weapon) scoring a touchdown 0:12 seconds into the second half.

Peyton Manning, surprised to see the opening hike of the game sail past him for a Seattle safety 0:12 secs into the game.

Malcolm Smith, a good old boy from The Valley and graduate from my high school, Taft High, and the Lombardi trophy.

Russell Wilson, the too-short-for-the-NFL quarterback, holding aloft the grand prize of them all, in his second fucking year!  Eat shit, haters!

Coach Carroll getting the Gatorade™ bath after the trouncing of the Broncos.  The best moment of his life and the lives of many championship-starved Seattleites.

I, Jim, will say this: we have waited a damned long time to win this fucking thing, and I am going to revel in it until I die (next year).  I went to the parade the following Wednesday in downtown Seattle.  There were over 700,000 people in the city that day, some flying in from as far as Australia, to enjoy the victory of a team well-suited to win many more.  It is hard to express how much elation and joy the city felt that day.  The team came through the city from the Space Needle to the Clink on various vehicles, enthusiastic the entire time, low-fiving fans, Marshawn Lynch drinking one fan’s Fireball and throwing Skittles™ all over the crowd.  It was the biggest love-fest I have ever seen and well-deserved.  We did it, Seattle!  The 12th man was all over MetLife stadium and from the first snap to Manning I, you could feel their effect on the game.  Way to go, guys!  I love you always!  GO HAWKS!

New Cats?

Hell yes, my friends!  There are only a few now, but I have a shitload in the pipeline to post. Click the pics below to check out the newest kitty updates!



Because our fans were asking for another picture of Athena Baxivanos, here ya go!!!  It is one of those rare moments when one realizes that one’s boobs are bigger than their head.

A funny thing happened recently.  Someone that knows–or now, KNEW–Athena Baxivanos rather intimately contacted me about her.  He challenged me about things I have written, stating her assertion that I had written poorly about her because I was *crazy*.  Oh, the irony.  He asked me why I said she is a racist.  I explained that for one, the only word she has for black people is “nigger.”  That is how she describes them vehemently.  It was my first real interaction with a career racist, I explained.  I never knew anyone who hated minorities as much as she did.  The person said this could be a problem because he has a ethnically varied base of friends.  I replied, “Not for long.”  He asked if I had proof.  This was apparently a real deal-breaker for him, if it were true.  Of course, all I could give were anecdotes, true though they were.  Until I remembered the rap songs.

Oh yes my friends!  When we lived in Florida (which Athena Baxivanos may assert is a figment of my imagination because I am *crazy*) I was fucking around on my Mac, making strange *crazy* songs because I had nothing else to do.  She asked if I could make rap beats.  Yes.  So I put together some crappy urban-sounding tracks with that funky synth lead we would all like to forget.  She immediately sat down and crafted some pretty terrible lyrics about her “monkey” who was no “honky.”  She went on to explain how he spent all his time in the penitentiary and mooched off the tax-payer because he is a “monkey”… he’s no “honky.”  And he has lots of kids that don’t know he is their daddy.  Interesting stuff from a nice bleach-blonde from Baltimore.  Then Athena Baxivanos recorded her hard-core rap on the Mac and I saved it away for some reason.  It was these TWO songs that I found in reply to the request for “proof” of her racism.  I emailed them to the dude and he could not believe “what the fuck?”  What? I replied.  You thought I was LYING?  Because SHE says *I* am crazy.  L…O…L my friend.  He then believed what I was saying and did what he had to do.  I will be posting them soon for all to hear, by the way.  They are quite the art pieces, my top-quality beats aside.